Couples Court
by BlueSkys91
Summary: I’m the judge, you’re the jury, and it’s up to you to decide whether the accusations made are true or false.
1. Case 001: ShWeir or Sparky

Disclaimer: I don't own any of it!! And none of what's happening is real!

* * *

A/N: So the idea is special agent ali's. she did a fic like this for NCIS (if you watch the show you MUST read it!). This is your chance to defend your favorite couple. I will remain complete impartiality on ALL couples for this fic. My friends are the only one who know where my loyalty is, especially all of you who are members of the Sparky Army wink wink! you know who you are!

Also, for all purposes (including my sanity!), all characters are alive for this! Unless I decide to change that when we get further along. If I do I'll let you know.

P.S. there is some (code for A LOT) of wumping on the guys of Atlantis! I don't mean anything by it, it just worked better that way, I luv em all!!

A/N2: Pure fun, and randomness!! If any of them are out of character (I guaranty they will be) just go with it! PLEASE do not be offended, this is YOUR chance to defend you favorite couple!! Enjoy, and remember this if for FUN!! So have some!!

* * *

I'm the judge, you're the jury, and it's up to you to decide whether the accusations made are true or false. (Write it in a comment) and have fun! I can't stress that enough.

Oh and if the jury (you guys) has any suggestions for couples you'd like to see, I am open to anything!

* * *

Hello, you have now entered my court room, Judge Jessi O'Neill (hehe) presiding.

Bailiff: Case .001 Lt. Col. John Sheppard & Dr. Elizabeth Weir.

Bailiff: All rise.

(Judge enters room, and takes seat behind, ohm the thing the judge sits behind)

Judge: everyone please, sit.

(Judge looks over case file)

Judge: So Dr. Weir, I understand you are suing the fan fiction website for false accusations that you and Col. Sheppard are a couple.

Weir: Yes I am Your Honor. (the dark hair woman nods in judge's direction)

(dark, messy haired man snorts)

Judge (ME): is there a problem Col. Sheppard.

Sheppard: SHE KISSED ME!! how could there not be something between us!

Weir: I would like you to remember we were under the influence of alien consciousness John. (glares at dark, messy haired man)

Sheppard: You picked me for the other consciousness! You can't say Phoebus had entire control over you! admit it you like me!

(dark hair woman blushes)

Weir: that is not what we are here to argue John! (Dark hair woman crosses arms)

Sheppard: Yes, it is! And if you don't want to use the Phoebus example, there is the time you gave me a hug, in the middle of the gate room!

Weir: You had just returned from a suicide mission! I was happy you were ALIVE!

(Dark, messy haired man gets smug look on his face)

Judge (ME): Alien consciousness? Gate room? (Judge wears a confused face and looks at bailiff)

Weir: I thought she was briefed! (dark haired woman looks at dark messy haired man panicked)

Bailiff: (whispers to Judges) Remember, the stargate, aliens, these guys live on the lost city of Atlantis, and all that? They de-briefed us yesterday?

(Bailiff stars at Judge, Judges starts to giggle)

Bailiff: what?

Judge (ME): you said de-briefed. (judges regains composer) uh yes continue, Dr. Weir please call you first witness.

Weir: I call Teyla Emmagan Your Honor.

(Graceful, maple haired woman takes stand, and Judge nods to her)

Weir: Teyla would you please tell them your take on this whole affair.

Teyla: I do believe you and Col. Sheppard share an incredible deep bond. If it goes any farther than that it is your own busyness. Even though you two do make it quite apparent that you 'like' one another.

(dark haired woman's eyes widen. Dark, messy haired man starts to giggle)

Weir: What? (glares at John)

Sheppard: They call us Sparky! (John grins and holds up the paper he read it from)

(Judge rolls eyes. A member of the court cheers. The Judge can not tell who it is, so she glares at all of them. Teyla stifles a giggle.)

Judge (ME): Call your next witness Dr. Weir.

Weir: I call Dr. Rodney McKay.

(Sandy haired man in leather jacket replaces the woman on the stand. Judge nods to him.)

Weir: I will ask you the same question as I asked Teyla, Rodney. What is your take on this whole affair?

McKay: Well (stands up and starts to take off jacket, the stops suddenly and looks up at judge for permission).

Judge (ME): As long as it isn't a strip tease Doctor.

(The man on the stand blushes and continues to remove jacket. The court room gasps when he reviles his shirt.)

Judge (ME): Order, order! (Judge slams mallet) Doctor McKay what is the meaning of this?

McKay: Well…..

(Sheppard erupts into a fit of laughter; Elizabeth falls into the seat behind her.)

Sheppard: It says he's a secret Sparky shipper!

McKay: Yes I am! (states proudly and sits up straighter) I am also a proud member of the Sparky Army!

Judge: What? (Scratches head while shaking it, shocked by the whole thing)

(three people in front seats of the court room stand up and remove their coats to relive the same shirt that McKay is wearing)

Sheppard: Ronon, Teyla, Lorne? (falls back into fits of laughter)

Weir: Teyla! (screams in shock)

Teyla: I am sorry Elizabeth; I believe you two are meant to be.

Weir: Don't be sorry (she whispers that part in Teyla's ear and gives her a wink) but……oh just you wait Sheyla's up next!

(Teyla sits down)

Judge (ME): Order, order!! That's enough! (rubs forehead)

You're the jury, write in a review if it's a lie, or if their really is a hidden romance behind these two, like Rodney believes?

* * *

A/N: Special thanks to Hollzbz62 for her icon which was the whole Rodney-secret Sparky shipper thing!


	2. Case 002: Sheyla

Disclaimer: I own zilch! an the idea is special agent ali's!!

Spoilers for season 5!!

Ok so there could be more, but I was risking it getting too long, sorry!

Court is now back in session

* * *

Bailiff: Case .002 Lt. Col. John Sheppard & Teyla Emmagan.

Bailiff: All rise.

(Judge enters room, and takes seat)

Judge: Be seated.

(Judges reads case file)

Judge: (whispers to bailiff) These guys again!

Bailiff: yes ma'am.

Judge: Ok, well good thing I had a good night sleep, and a very strong cup of coffee this morning. (bailiff stifles laughter) Well lets get started shall we?

Sheppard: Well we can make this one quick, Teyla just tell them you like me, and we can get out of here. (smugly leaning back in his chair with feet on desk in front of him)

(Teyla glares at John. Elizabeth (who is the front row) rolls eyes)

Teyla: As you say on you world, 'When pigs fly?

Sheppard: Hey! (jumps out of chair)

Teyla: If I remember correctly, and I do, you were the one to kiss me, not the other way around!

(Judge stifles giggles)

Sheppard: But you named you kid after me!!

Teyla: because you risked you life for mine, that is all.

Sheppard: Oh come on, you know you like me. (looks at Teyla with puppy dog eyes)

(Teyla rolls eyes)

Judge: Ms Emmagan, please call you first witness.

Teyla: I call Dr. Elizabeth Weir, Your Honor.

(dark haired women takes stand)

Teyla: Elizabeth, what do think of this 'Shelya'? it is, as you say, ridiculous, no?

Weir: I do believe you and Col. Sheppard share an incredible deep bond. If it goes any farther than that it is your own busyness. Even though you two do make it quite apparent that you 'like' one another. (Elizabeth repeated her friend's word to the letter with a dignified face, but then proceeded to stick her tongue out at Teyla when she was finished)

Sheppard: Thanks Lizzy!

Weir: I told you never to call me that, and how could you John! Cheat on me with my best friend! (Elizabeth leave stand and takes her original seat again)

Judge: (rolls eyes) Call the next witness.

Sheppard: (jumps out of seat) I call Ronon Dex!

(tall, mean looking man with dreadlocks takes stand, judge looks scared, but nods to him anyway)

Sheppard: Ronon, buddy, tell them that Sheyla's real.

Ronon: Always thought you two'd get together, whether it's for one night, or longer, who knows (he shrugs)

Teyla: RONON! (petite woman with maple hair glares at man with dreadlocks.)

(man with dreadlocks seems to shudder)

Sheppard: Thanks, buddy, I call Dr. Rodney McKay next.

(sandy haired man replaces man with dreadlocks on stand)

Sheppard: So McKay tell them what you think, I know you on my side with this.

Silence

Shepard: McKay!

(McKay looks more nervous than normal)

Sheppard: Judge, make him answer.

Judge: Answer the question Doctor.

McKay: I would love too, but I love my life more.

Judge: excuse me?

McKay: Well if I answer one way, Teyla will kick my ass, and the other way, Sheppard will. Both ways I whined up getting critical injured, and there is a possibility that Ronon will help, ether of them too. So no Judge, I will NOT answer the question.

Judge: Fair enough, what I don't like the sight of blood!

All readers, it's time for you to play jury! True love or false fairytale? Is Sheyla real?


	3. Case 003: McWeir

Disclaimer: I own nothing!!

The idea for the fic is special agent ali's

Bumping up rating for this one to T! (I never intended it to get like this it just happened!)

* * *

Bailiff: Case .003 Dr. Rodney McKay & Dr. Elizabeth Weir

Sheppard: I object!

McKay: You can't object! You're not involved in this one!

Sheppard: She likes me McKay, she kissed me!

(Elizabeth rolls eyes)

McKay: Under another consciousness' possession! She told me she loved me! face it Sheppard you just can't stand having anyone else get the girl! (McKay crosses arms)

Sheppard: No….that. is sooooo not true!

Weir: Do I even get a say? This _is_ McWeir _not_ McShep!

Sheppard: Mcwhat?! I thought this was a court room, not McDonalds!

Judge: Order, order (Judge slams mallet) I'm gonna have to get a new one of these things by the end of this whole dealing. (Judge looks at mallet, bailiff giggles)

McKay: Come on Sheppard; let me get the girl for once!

(red hair woman holding a plant stands up)

Woman: Excuse me!!

Judge: Who are you!

Woman: Dr. Katie Brown, botanist, and I thought I was Rodney's girlfriend, but apparently I was wrong!

McKay: Katie! What are you doing here!?

Katie: I drove you here!! (proceeds to throw plant, which was a cactus, at McKay's head)

McKay: Owhhh!!

(Sheppard starts laughing, Elizabeth's eyes widen)

Judge: Order, ORDER!! (bangs mallet so hard the end comes flying off and hits man with dreadlocks in the head.)

(judge looks at mallet, then up at enraged dreadlocked man)

Judge: Why did it have to be the big, mean one!

(Growling, the dreadlocked man approaches bench.)

Judge: he did it! (points to bailiff)

Ronon: Grrrrrrr….

Bailiff: Ahhh! (starts running around room)

(Sheppard and Lorne are rolling around on the ground laughing)

(Ronon starts chasing bailiff, (they wouldn't let him bring his gun in)

Judge: call the first witness

McKay: Uhh...ohm….I call Koyla.

Sheppard: (manages to pull himself off the floor, and out of laughing fit) KOLYA!! Are you crazy McKay!!

McKay: Errhh…Who are you? (pulls parts of cactus from skull)

Sheppard: McKay!!

(Evil looking man takes stand)

(Ronon stops chasing bailiff)

Ronon: I thought he was dead?

Sheppard: so did I?

(Ronon shrugs and continues to chase bailiff around room)

McKay: Koyla, do you think that Elizabeth and I are a couple?

Koyla: After I saw the way you two behaved when I had you captured, yeah I do think you two are together.

Weir: Oh come on, you were too worried about your own ass to notice anything else! Rodney was acting like my big brother!

Koyla: I should have killed both of you then! (pulls out gun)

Judge: Holly sh! Guard!!

(guard shoot Koyla and drags him off. Ronon and Bailiff run in front of bench. Ronon stops)

Ronon: How come he gets a gun!? (looks pouty)

Teyla: I believe he was not indented to have one here.

(Ronon shrugs and continues to chase bailiff)

McKay: I call Sheppard as my next witness.

(Judge rolls eyes as Sheppard takes stand)

Weir: What do you think John?

Sheppard: I think you should be with me sweetheart! (winks at Elizabeth, Elizabeth rolls eyes)

Judge: Oh get overt yourself, you not _that_ gorgeous!

Sheppard: HEY!! I have you know……

Judge: Oh shut up, just SHUT UP!! This is my court room gosh darn it!

Jury please end the madness!! Is McWeir and does Rodney get the girl, or is it a brother sister thing like Elizabeth believes?

* * *

A/N: I didn't mean the crack about Sheppard not being that gorgeous, I SWEAR DON"T HURT ME!!


	4. Case 004: Spanky

Disclaimer: Again I own NOTHING!! except the bailiff and the judge

IDea is special agent ali's!!

* * *

(same day as McWeir case)

New Bailiff (old one still being chased by Ronon): Case .004 Ronon Dex & Teyla Emmagan

(Ronon (who was holding old bailiff in the air by his throat) drops bailiff and make his was over to were he's supposed to be)

Judge: Well this is going to be interesting, call first witness

Teyla: I call Dr. Carson Beckett.

(man in lab coat takes stand; judge nods to him and takes not of his sparkling blue eyes)

Teyla: Carson, do you believe this 'Spanky' is real?

Carson: Aye, I do lass. Need I remind you he never left your bed side we you fell ill the time with the whales.

(Teyla bows head to man on the stand, judge nods to him too and he steps down)

Ronon: I call Sheppard

(Sheppard gets out of seat, grinning and take stand)

Judge: Oh boy, I warn you Col. Sheppard, WATCH IT! (points figure at him)

Sheppard: you know you're cute when you're angry, you green eye start to sparkle like Lizzy's

Weir: (stands up and points finger at him) I told you NEVER to call me that!! And they do?? (States to bat eyelashes at Sheppard)

Judge: (says to Sheppard) you are sick, ya know that, you are really sick! And you (points finger at Elizabeth) there is something wrong with you to find…that (points figure back at Sheppard) attractive! (judge takes deep breath) Ok sorry, now continue.

Ronon: So Sheppard, do you think Spanky's real?

Sheppard: No, Teyla is clearly in love with me!

Judge: By show of hands, (raises hand) who did _not_ see that one coming (looks blankly around room, no one has hands up) that's what I thought.

Ronon: Rrrrr (starts to go after Sheppard)

Sheppard: Hey buddy you said to yourself you thought she and I would get together! (throws hands up defensively)

Ronon: Ya but I didn't say that if it happened, I wouldn't kick you ass.

Sheppard: Ohhhhh……. (starts running)

Ronon: Grrrrrrr (takes after Sheppard)

Girl in court room: this is better than Jerry Springer!

(Teyla and Elizabeth try not to laugh, John runs by with Ronon on his heals, new bailiff giggles, and one set of paramedics carry old bailiff out on stretcher, while another set of paramedics get ready in case they are needed)

Judge: (bangs new gavel) Order, order!!

Teyla: I call Dr. Kate Hieghtmeyer.

(Woman takes stand)

Teyla: In your professional opinion, do you think Ronon and I have or should have a relationship?

Hieghtmeyer: Well Teyla….(is all dignified, then say at warp speed in high pitched voice)…..I think you two are like sooooo cute together, cause ya know he's like all big, mean, and tall, and your petite and sweet! You're like perfect for one another!! (looks up at Judge)

Judge: Ok then, I assume Dr. McKay will not testify under the fear of life excuse again…so...

McKay: (stands up) Hey!

(Judge glares at him)

Weir: Sit down Rodney! (tugs at his shirt)

McKay: Ok, your right. (he sits down)

(Ronon and John run by)

Sheppard: Ack!

Judge: Ok we are done!! Jury your turn to decide!

Is Spanky real, or just another figment of the imagination?


	5. Case 005: McBrown

Dilsclaimer: I own nothing!!

the idea for the fic was special agent ali's

THANK YOU SOOO MUCH TO EVEYONE WHO HAS REVIED SO FAR!!

A/N: Written while I was supposed to be asleep for I had to get up the next morning extremely early to help a friend paint her bedroom. You better appreciate this Christina!!

Thanks to Psalm 136 for the idea for Katie and Rodney!

A/N2: Ok so here's where I veer off the track the show is following. I currently DO NOT like the twists the show has taken recently. So for all purposes, Elizabeth and Beckett are both alive and well, except Elizabeth still has the nanites issue and that is why Col. Carter is there. Plus it's gonna be more fun if there is more character to work with!!

* * *

(Sheppard has arm in sling and a black eye, Ronon is sitting next to him smirking, Beckett is consulting with the paramedics, Teyla looks to be fighting a migraine and Elizabeth is hiding a bottle of tequila in her purse)

(Judge reads case file)

Bailiff: Case .005 Dr. Rodney McKay & Dr. Katie Brown

Katie: He cheated, I know he did! I mean come on did you see the way he keeps looking at the new doctor!

Judge: New doctor?? What happened to the old one?

Beckett: I'm still here lass, just a new addition!

Judge: Oh ok, continue. (Bats eyelashes at cute Scottish doctor)

McKay: I have not!! Jenny and I are just friends!!

Katie: Jenny, you're calling her Jenny NOW!! (Throws another plant at Rodney)

McKay: Owhhh and NO I don't!!

Katie: You just did!! And ya know Rodney; it's not enough that you're flirting with Dr. Keller, but Col. Carter too!!

Carter: Oh he's had a crush on me for forever. (Tall blonde blue eyed woman sitting next to Elizabeth says)

Judge: who are you?

(Blonde woman stands up)

Carter: Col. Samantha Carter, I was sent to Atlantis to be leader now that Elizabeth is infected with nanites.

Judge: What are….ya know what I don't want to know what nanites are.

(Blonde woman sits down)

Katie: you were about to propose to me Rodney!

McKay: I know that!

Judge: wait you were gonna propose?

McKay: Yes.

Judge: you better call your first witness before _I_ throw a plant at you!

(McKay gulps)

Katie: I call Laura Cadman!

McKay: Oh no!

(Katie smirks evilly at McKay as another blonde woman takes stand)

Cadman: You already know what I think Katie, McKay's a pig! I know, I've been inside that brain! (She shudders)

McKay: Why is every woman in the court room against me!

Weir: I'm not against you (says lovingly then hiccups)

Teyla: Give me that. (Teyla grabs bottle of tequila out of Elizabeth's hands, takes a giant swig then hands it over to Katie)

Judge: Hey is that alcohol?

Weir: Maaayyyybbbbeeee…….

Judge: Share, I need it more than you!

(Katie hands judge bottle, judge take swig and hides bottle under desk for later)

McKay: Hey!!

Judge: Oh shove it, and call your next witness!

McKay: I call Ronon.

(Gasps all around the room)

Judge: Really?

McKay: Well I'm serenely not calling Sheppard, he'll say Katie should be with him!

Judge: Good point! Maybe I'll throw a plant at him….(smiles evilly)

Weir: Oh shut up! (Begins to kiss him)

Judge: oiiyy! (Rubs forehead

(Ronon takes stand)

Ronon: McKay, Katie is a sweet woman, she deserves so much better than you!

McKay: Hey!

Ronon: Grrrrrrr…..

Katie: Hehe…(bites lip and bats eyelashes at Ronon, Ronon smiles at her…yeah I know he smiled!)

McKay: Dear God, Katie, you and the cave man!!

Ronon: Grrrrrrr… (Leaves stand and heads in McKay's direction

McKay: Ack!!: (starts to run)

(Shepard starts laughing, Elizabeth starts kissing Lorne, Teyla rolls eyes)

Judge: Ok jury, the question now is, is McKay a jerk or not, and should Katie forgive him?


	6. Case 006: Lorne & his girls

Disclaimer: I own NOTHING!!

The idea was special agent ali's

A/N: Sorry it took so long for another one, been very busy lately! written while listening to the Mamma Mia sound track, but particularly the songs Honey Honey, and Gimme Gimme Gimme...you'll see!

* * *

Bailiff: Case .006 Dr. Elizabeth Weir & Maj. Evan Lorne

Judge: OK let's get started (sighs heavily)

Weir: He's mine! (declares as she pints fingur at handsome man with dark hair)

Lorne: Hu? (scratches head)

Sheppard: (pops up out of seat) WHAT!!

(judges glares at Sheppard)

Teyla: I am sorry Elizabeth, but Evan is mine! (Teyla stands up)

Cadman (jumps out of seat): NO way he's mine!! (runs up to Lorne and throws arms around his neck)

Lorne: Excuse me? I thought you were dating Dr. Beckett

Beckett: So did I?

Katie: Ohm ladies, I do believe Lorne is MINE!! (growled the last word)

Carter: Hell no, he's mine!! (tries to pri Cadman away, but Cadman punches Carter in the face and the start to fight)

Weir (rushes up to Lorne): Never mind them, sweetie (bats eyelashes at him!)

Teyla: Get away from him! (tackles Weir)

(Ronon starts to laugh)

Keller (walks calmly up to Katie (who is now running a finger over Lorne's shoulder): Excuse me, (says calmly and taps Katie on the shoulder)

Katie: Yes,

(Keller elbows Katie in the face and they soon fall to the floor fighting away!)

(Rodney's mouth is on the floor, Sheppard and Ronon are laughing, Beckett walks back over to help the paramedics, and the girls keep fighting)

Judge: (pulls self out of shock) Uuuuhhhhh...jury...(looks at jury)

Uh jury, have a ball with this one!!


	7. Case 007: Sharter

Disclaimer: I OWN NOTHING!!

The idea is special agent ali's

A/N: Ok so I wasn't going to have Elizabeth died, BUT I had an idea! I'll try to make this as easy as possible for you to follow, if you can't, feel free to ask questions and I'll do my best to answer them! **Beckett is still alive though!**

* * *

Bailiff: Case .00 Lt. Col. John Sheppard & Col. Samantha Carter

(judge looks terrified)

Judge: No, no, no, no, no, no!

(Sheppard flashes his fly-boy smirk at Judge, Judge flips him off)

Carter: I am accusing him of flirting relentlessly with me only seconds after I arrived on Atlantis.

Judge: Ooo that is such a shocker! (says sarcastically)

(voice from back of court room yells): John Sheppard how could you!

Sheppard: (flys out of seat at voice) ELIZABETH!!

McKay: Elizabeth…how?

Sheppard: Your dead!

Weir: I ascended you moron!

(every one in room has their jaws on the floor)

Weir: I thought you said you you love me!

Sheppard: I did, do….hu?? (looks around room, a confused look on his face. Looks at Ronon, Ronon shrugs)

Teyla: What about me!! I named my child after you! you said you loved me!

Carter: he sent me a fruit basket when I arrived after being stationed on Atlantis.

Teyla and Weir: He WHAT!!

Sheppard: I was being polite!! (looks up at judge with puppy dog eyes)

Judge: Don't look at me buddy, your screwed!

Weir: I take it I wasn't even gone 24 hours before you were hitting on Sam!

Carter: Who mind you is in a stable relationship!!

(Tall grey haired man wearing Generals uniform in back of court room stands up)

Man: Damn right!

Keller: I knew it!

Sheppard: General O'Neill?! (says nervously, he gulps, and looks scared)

O'Neill: Hi Sheppard! (looks at Sheppard with an evil smile)

Sheppard: Craaaaapp. (looks down and Beckett rushes over to worn paramedics of upcoming disaster)

Weir: hehe (Starts giggling with Teyla)

(O'Neill starts going after Sheppard with evil smile...ohm...the rest is censored for the kiddies, but, ah, use your imagination!)

Judge: OOoooo that's gotta hurt!

Soooo jury what's the verdict!


	8. Case 008: Sheller

Disclaimer: I OWN NOTHING!!

The idea is special agent ali's

SPOILERS FOR SEASON FIVE!!

A/N: Ok was going to do something else before this, but thanks to Pooka and Sparkly this just wouldn't let go...

* * *

Bailiff: Case .008, Col. John Sheppard & Dr. Jenifer Keller

Judge: Uhmmmmm... (looks at bailiff, bailiff shrugs)

McKay: Where's Sheppard?

Ronon: idon'tknow (mutters under breath and shrugs)

Keller: McKay your his best friend and you don't know where he is!

McKay: Really...you think were best friends?...I mean I thought we were friends. but...(Weir slaps the back of his head from row behind him) OWWWEEEE!!

(Weir rolls eyes)

McKay (rubs back of head) : hey, how can ascended people slap, uhm, un-ascended people?

Weir (says rather proudly): I re-took human form (stick tongue out at McKay)

Judge (says happly): Wait you mean Sheppards a no show!

(Ronon shrugs, Beckett nods and so does Teyla)

McKay: I think you gave me a concussion! Plus the plants that keep getting throw at me...oh I could have inter-cranial bleeding!

Judge (totally ignore McKay just like everyone else): If Sheppard's not here that means we can dismiss this case (sits up straight in chair)...YES!! next case quick before he shows up!

(court room doors oen up wide, and Sheppard is wheeled in in a wheel chair)

Judge: AGGHHHHRRRR... (headsdesk)

Sheppard: Awwh it's ok Judge, I'm here now everything's going to be fine,

(judges throws him evil glare that make Ronon shudder)

Judge (continues to glare at him evilly): Where's my plant! Or a really hot cup of coffee!

Sheppard (Taken back expretion on face): Ohm...

Ronon: I have a gun!

Judge: Don't tempt me!

(guards go to tackle Ronon (after that gun remark) Ronon throws then a glare and they back off)

Judge: Ok, I can do this, call the first witness!

Sheppard: I call Maj. Evan Lorne! (Lorne doesn't show) Lorne..Lorne...LORNE!!

(Sheppard looks back sees Lorne making out with un-known girl)

Weir & Teyla: Humf (cross their arms)

Judge: Ohm...ethemm...(Lorne and girl look up at Judge) Ohm Sparkly do you mind waiting in the back...Thanks (Judges smiles broadly and gives two thumbs up!) Besides your sister and a couple others are looking like they want to kill you..(judge motions for guard to keep watch)

(Lorne takes stand)

Sheppard: So do you think the Doc and I are a couple?

Lorne (Straight faced): I think you have a crush on every girl in the freaking Universe!...Sir.

Judge: Just like every girl has a crush on you... (judge tries to hide her laughter and Lorne glares at her) Call next witness.

Keller: I call Teyla!

(Teyla takes stand)

Keller: So Teyla help me out here...I mean he's cute but...

Sheppard: See she thinks I cute!!

Keller: But I happen to like someone else..(throw glace to row of seats behind her, both Ronon and Rodney think that she is talking about them, Rodney sits up straighter!)

Sheppard: BUt I risked my life to save you!!

Keller: Yeah, but so did Ronon...

Sheppard: He didn't succeed!

(Keller and Sheppard start bickering like children, Elizabeth and Teyla leave to get more liquor)

McKay (stands up and yells over SHeppad and Keller): I'll testify next!

Judge: What?! You never testify!

McKay: He's injured, she's a doctor, they can't hurt me! (smiles proudly)

Keller (looks at McKay): Wannna bet!

(McKay gulps and sits down, Ronon smirks)

Judge: Enough!! Jury it's up to you now!!


End file.
